Remembering...it's a good thing

Life is not the mountain tops its the walking in between----Ben Rector ( I like You)

I like to listen to pandora when I do the dishes. For some reason it makes the task more bearable and for occasions like that I need light and fun music. We heard a guy named Ben Rector open at a concert we attended a few years ago and his music kind of stuck with me. It's goofy and catchy. He has a song called I Like You and it played a few days ago while doing housework and there was this line that just stuck out to me. I went back and replayed it and was like yes. I love that. This time of the year I am always more deeply pondering things and doing a gut check. I don't want the fact that I went through a hard thing to make me bitter or sad. I want it to change me...for the better and more than that I want it to keep changing me . I want to honor my mom and all those that have stood by us with the way that I think, act and love because she would not love it if it was still all about her or me for that matter. But because I am human those things are all easier said than done. Therefore a good ole fashioned gut check comes in handy when I need to remember what is most important.

That line from the song rolled around in my head and heart for a few days till it hit me as to why it made such an impact. Before I lost my mom my faith walk was pretty unencumbered and on the easier side I would say. My faith was still a more immature faith. I hate to say that but looking back that's the way it was and honestly that is OK. We all start somewhere and grow at different paces on our journey. It's not a bad thing. I lived a lot more for the mountain top moments at that time in my life. I banked a lot of my worth or others on the ability to have those moments like they were all we really needed. I wanted to move from peak to peak and drift the rest of the time. I don't think I even knew at the time what it meant to walk in the in between. However, when I went through this trial in my life one of the biggest things I learned is that when the lights dim and the big moments subside is where we are really found. It's what and how we choose to pick up and walk in those moments that get to the nitty gritty of who we are. It shows how bright HIS light is in you. And for the record if it's not as bright as you had hoped HE can remedy that and he WILL because you will need HIM and he will be THERE. I know I certainly needed God in a big way.

The past four years really but especially the last year God has pulled us away from some familiar things and familiar people and pushed me WAY out of my comfort zone in several areas. Some days I am still not sure what to do with all of it but I guess that is really the point of this whole thing called life. Who does know what to do with it. I've just gently felt led by the spirit to keep walking. One foot in front of the other like it's been since the beginning of time. As long as we live this won't be the last hard thing for me or for you or those we love.

It's hard to put everything that has happened the last 4 years into words but the main idea is to just continue to encourage anyone else and myself to continue to be the kind of person who embraces and dare I say loves the walking in between which sometimes or a lot of the times involves uncertainty and just some very tough stuff for all of us. The walking in-between is the every day chance we have to get stuff done if we are willing to risk it and let go of holding out for those once coveted mountain top moments. I just felt like the idea of walking in between was a beautiful thought at this time reflecting back on the past 4 years as a tribute to our mom. This time has taught me what it looks like to be a better friend, wife, mother and follower of Jesus. Not wasting days waiting on big moments but walking forward with purpose and in deed and full of heart. Making the most of the days we have here in this world. No longer reserving parts of myself or faith for the biggest moments but arguably for the smallest ones and the every day ones. Not wondering IF we all have something to offer to the situations going on in the world to day but knowing that we absolutely DO have something to offer even if that something is a hug or encouraging word. Its so amazingly simple yet so powerful. That's where we have a real chance to speak into lives, love really well, serve without abandon. It looks different for us all but those are the moments that will be remembered. There is no right or wrong way to walk in the in between as long as you are walking and not waiting. So here's to me and you walking fearlessly and with an extra dose of compassion and understanding as we could all use a little bit more of that these days.

This is my personal evolvement and I know I don't speak for everyone going through a hurt or recovering from a hurt. It looks different on everyone but these words were just on my heart heading into tomorrow. Thanks for loving us through the past four years if you have had a hand in that. We are forever grateful and still remember every act of kindness that has been done for our family. I still miss her a lot. So do a lot of other people. What a beautiful thing it is to be able to remember her and how great she was. Not because she was perfect but because she was ours and we loved her so.